I want to be sought.

I want someone to notice my absence. I want someone to see the vacancy of my place. I want someone to feel hollow without my presence. To be a part of something. To have people around me.

But I am small.

I am too small for someone to notice the absence of me. I am too small to be grasped by anyone. I am too small to be a part of everyone else’s.

Yet, still I want to be sought.

Just for myself to feel needed. Just for myself to feel I am a part in someone’s life. Even if I’m small. Too small.

“A joker is a little fool who is different from everyone else. He’s not a club, diamond, heart, or spade. He’s not an eight or a nine, a king or a jack. He is an outsider. He is placed in the same pack as the other cards, but he doesn’t belong there. Therefore, he can be removed without anybody missing him.”

— Jostein Gaarder, Solitaire Mystery